The Vent

Unemotionally Emotional

2011-08-06T22:51:00.003-04:00

When things are good, they're very good.
When things are bad, they're very bad.
He acts, then thinks;
Each time her heart sinks.
He comes, he goes;
The highs, the lows.
He's up, he's down;
She smiles, she frowns.
Stirred, not shaken;
Always truthful, not mistaken.
Shattered, but not broken;
Many thoughts unspoken.
Silence still heard;
In that unspoken word.
Dawn of a new day;
Won't do things the same way.
(he said) "Forever is how long"
A love that seemed so strong.....
Or is it all but an illusion?
Won't jump to a conclusion.
Only time will tell the tale;
Soon enough, truth will prevail.
What is meant to be, will be,
In the end, I'll still be me.....

Magic City

2011-01-27T16:50:00.001-05:00

Unleash my inner freak, baby girl!
Do your magic; make your tongue swirl.
Watch my teeth clench while my toes curl.
A whole new level of thrill to unfurl.

Oh my gosh! Did I really do that crap?
Let that girl sit on my lap?
Rub her breasts all over mine?
Sending shivers down my spine?

She smirks while she watches me try to resist,
But the expectancy in my eyes just makes her persist.
He smirks while he watches, and I confirm with a grin.
"Alright, ok, this feels good, you win!"

"Come join in baby.....i know you wanna feel.
You sit back and relax, and we'll both kneel.".......

Leave you with that visual; it's mighty pretty.
Menage a trois is magic city!

I Am Single And Valuable pt. 2

2011-01-27T16:39:00.003-05:00

He is single and valuable to me.
A damaged male with an undying hold on my heart.
He stands by his convictions against all odds;
Inspite of all the noise,
And distractions,
And opinions,
And eye-catching tempations,
And painful past.

He does not pretend to be someone he's not.....
Still with boyish tendencies of a careless male with holds on human hearts;
Still a bad choice for any meaningless girl who wishes for genuine affection;
The silent tenderness of his true heart, he still gives freely to me;
I love him.
He is a man of value to me, and he is single by choice.

I understand his needs, and he pacifies mine.
He goes to the end of the earth to provide for his kin and I.
His devotion is priceless, and erases every carefree act.
I appreciate the man from within; the man i've always known he could be.
A side that not many get to see.

His warm embrace comforts me in the dark morning hours.
When all else is but a distant memory;
When once upon a time is no longer in this time;
And the lips of a favored kiss is as bitter as rejected expired meals;
And one pretty face is no different from another pretty face.
This is our bonding time, and ours alone.

Still not without flaw; yet day by day I grow.
Still with girlish tendencies of a heart too big and soft;
Still with foolish dreams of fairytale endings and wishes on a star;
Still with anger that can lash out, and a stubborn nature that really sucks;
Still (like his) is my choice to focus on the person within,
And accept life and it's realities for what they are.
I am single by choice and await destiny's desire.

He does not pass judgement on my character,

And I do not pass judgement on his.
He is free to be who he is, and I am free to be me.
I respect his choices in life, and he respects mine.
We are single by choice until better is best for us...........

Wind Beneath My Wings

2010-12-10T16:53:00.001-05:00

This song is so much deeper than any of us probably realise. I'm sure we all probably interpret the lyrics in different ways. I dedicate this song today to "My Hero".....you know who you are.

......with all my love.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

In All Things Give Thanks........an old favorite from my collection

2010-11-25T12:33:00.003-05:00

You're My Inspiration

Inspired by your drive to be the best that I can be;
Inspired by your rebellion to be a better me;
Inspired by your ruthlessness to suck it up and grow;
Inspired by your flaws to let my vulnerbility show;
Inspired by your defiance to admit when I am wrong;
Inspired by your self-control to still try and be strong.

The darkest hour's past.
Midnight is too long gone.
Tears have washed away.
Behold! A brand new day has dawn.

Inspired by your success to tap into my talent hidden deep;
Inspired by your determination to jump before I creep;
Inspired by your shielded heart to love hard and still forgive;
Inspired by your love of life to love the life I live;
Inspired by the good times that help to wash away the bad;
Inspired by the bad times too, tho from time to time make me sad.

Optimistic inspite of all the trials and sorrow;
Still keep the faith that there'll be a better tomorrow;
"Live, love, give" will always be my motto......

Speechless

2010-11-17T10:36:00.000-05:00

My Three-Year Old Never Ceases to Amaze Me........
Taking time to appreciate those moments that take my breath away..........

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

2010-11-16T12:31:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure who wrote this but it's a good read & something we all need to work very hard on changing....please pass on & let's change the world!!!!!! One girl/WOMAN at a time!!!

When I first heard of the movie "For Colored Girls" I got so excited. I had the idea of getting as many women together that I could think of to go see this movie. I had visions of group discussions and moments shared with one another that would lead to healing and growth, I guess I kind of imagined a Women's Empowerment Conference type of setting.

Well after I shared my idea with a few women, reality set in and I realized that so many of us wouldn't be willing to participate for various reasons: You don't like me, you don't care for somebody I might invite, you only hang out with certain people, you don't understand the big deal about Tyler Perry making yet another movie about black people and our issues for all the world to see, you don't like crowds, so 'n so is too ghetto, such and such is too uppity etc... It has ALWAYS amazed me that we as black women are each other's biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each other's faults, and nit pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for thinking "they are cute," but turn around and dog the average sista because, "she know she should take better care of herself than that - can't believe she got a man!" We call strong women female dogs and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else's coat tails. We tell a big sista to put down her burger and turn around and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for "talking to darn much" and likewise torment the quiet woman for "being too quiet and needing to take up for herself". Sad part is we don't discriminate, we talk about everybody!!!

I've watched women dog out everybody; from Oprah for catering to white people and Halle Berry for not being able to keep a man, to young Willow Smith for acting to darn grown in her recent video. All of these females are successful and there is something about each one of them to be proud of, but a lot of us can't seem to see that. I have to wonder since we all share a common thread, (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don't like, what has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along? Why is that we fight amongst ourselves, backstab & steal each others men (only to find out we should have left him where we found him). We cannot seem to be unified to support and stick up for one another. Everybody seems to be out for themselves, while other groups unite against us but nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.

Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich handsome husband etc, this does not mean that should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We ALWAYS think the grass is greener on the other side. I had a woman who's child father is MIA tell me that I should never complain because I receive a decent amount of child support, and I laughed and let her know that I would gladly give every dime back if he would come relieve some of this overwhelming pressure of feeling inadequate as a parent. If I could get just one full night of sleep, or not always be on the verge of losing my job because I'm the one that has to call off or leave work for one reason or another to accommodate my child - yeah he could DEFINITELY have his money if I could have some peace! Money alone doesn't make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn't keep you satisfied, beauty doesn't make you any less insecure, fame doesn't make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character, and being stuck up and mean doesn't keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.

You don't know how the sista sitting right next to could have carefully put on her make up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher you handed your child over to this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies. The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day on her job and have no idea how she is going to survive past next weekend. The sista at the office that appears so busy could be typing her goodbyes to all the people that she loves because she plans to blow her brains out tonight after she tucks her babies into bed. The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion because she fears what others might think or how the woman that sent you this e-mail may drink an over abundance of alcohol every night to mask the nightmares of an abusive childhood.

Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I'm not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, but I am asking that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don't know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. We spend so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece. If we would spend 1/3 of the time we spend tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, show someone some love, we could truly make a difference and save someone's life. PLEASE don't be the straw that breaks another woman's back. Believe me when I tell you that there is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, your prayer.

I hope that you read this and get something out of it other than a laugh and that you pass this on to as many women as you can to let someone know that you believe they are somebody special and that if need be you are available to listen.

May favor be extended to each and everyone of your lives, keep your head up and know that someone somewhere cares!!!

Corny, Idle Moment

2010-11-11T16:57:00.000-05:00

WOO HOO!!!!! :D
.......just had to get that out
(floating)

My Personal M & M (and you know I LOVE chocolate! hehehe)....Watch My Five Senses Climax

2010-11-09T18:12:00.000-05:00

A welcomed change from what has been, and used to be;
Your apparent sincere display of attention is a refreshing breath of fresh air;
Like crisp ocean breeze on a windy autumn day,
You trigger each and every one of my senses;
The aroma of your masculinity lingers in my nostrils.
To taste you is to indulge in sweet chocolate bliss;
Melts in my mouth; not in my hands (wink).
Our hands, made to touch, yet I feel you, you feel me;
From the inside out. Feel the beat of my heart
Beat against yours in perfect sync.
Hear the sound of my voice bellow in immeasurable contentment.
See me admire you. Look deep into my eyes and watch me heal.
Feel my anticipation of what is yet to come.
Touch me like never before
Taste my many colors again and again.
Bask in this euphoria;
Watch my five senses climax from the satisfaction you bring.

In and Out of Time, by Maya Angelou

2010-11-01T12:51:00.001-04:00

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares into dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

Shout-Out

2010-10-15T10:41:00.000-04:00

A GREAT BIG SHOUT-OUT goes to King C-Note of 100Jamz radio station here in Nassau, for biggin up my Facebook group "The Vent II" this morning on The Morning Madhouse Show, and discussing my latest topic "Inter-Office Relationships". Much luv, my friend! :)

Those of you who follow my blog, if you have a Facebook account, don't forget to check the group out!

Time Heals All Wounds

2010-10-13T15:40:00.000-04:00

Give it a day, or two; a week, a month, a year;
A year seemed like such a long time, 'til the time drew near;
Near to their hearts, his love felt again at last;
At last he returned; this familiar blast from the past.
The past was filled with memories, both bad and good.
Good memories are what kept their hearts, always where it should.
Should have been more patient, should have left him alone;
Alone just appeared to be so unbeknown.
Unbeknown to them maybe his heart did feel;
Feel the pain he inflicted; a pain so real.
So real are the memories of the life he did live.
He lived his life to the fullest, but himself he wouldn't give.
Give it a day, a week, a month, a year;
A year seemed like too much time;
Too much time to waste living in fear;
Fear that her life's one true love had bitten off too much pride;
Pride he now chose to swallow, when his life changed with the tide.
The tide came in and pulled him to his conscience hidden deep;
Deep beneath his fested anger and promises he couldn't keep.
He couldn't keep punishing his own for mistakes he knew deep down he'd made.
He'd made a whole mess of things, but their love he'd never trade.
Never trade unconditional love for material things or cheap thrills.
Cheap thrills can never replace the way true love always fulfills.

I LOVE YOU

2010-10-13T15:21:00.002-04:00

Unconditional love knows no boundaries.
True love is unwaivering, steadfast, and pure;
Endures all things, and expects nothing in return;
A feeling so indescribable, so surreal;
Possessing one's entire being;
An endless abyss of a force so strong;
Believes in, never gives up on, and continues to hope for
A brighter future,
A clean-slated present,
A forgiven past.
.......Loving the man you want to be;
.......Loving the man I know you CAN be;
.......Loving the man you almost are;
.......Loving you, because I do.......

You're My Inspiration

2010-09-30T13:18:00.003-04:00

Inspired by your drive to be the best that I can be;
Inspired by your rebellion to be a better me;
Inspired by your ruthlessness to suck it up and grow;
Inspired by your flaws to let my vulnerbility show;
Inspired by your defiance to admit when I am wrong;
Inspired by your self-control to still try and be strong.

The darkest hour's past.
Midnight is too long gone.
Tears have washed away.
Behold! A brand new day has dawn.

Inspired by your success to tap into my talent hidden deep;
Inspired by your determination to jump before I creep;
Inspired by your shielded heart to love hard and still forgive;
Inspired by your love of life to love the life I live;
Inspired by the good times that help to wash away the bad;
Inspired by the bad times too, tho from time to time make me sad.

Optimistic inspite of all the trials and sorrow;
Still keep the faith that there'll be a better tomorrow;
"Live, love, give" will always be my motto......

Life's Value

2010-09-16T16:57:00.005-04:00

What, oh what, oh what shall I vent about today?
Don't feel like writing a poem, nothing really bugging me.......hmm....
Just bored and really feel the need to write tho....
Oh, I know!
Saw my life flash before my eyes yesterday morning!...Yup! Ain't that somethin?!
Most of my Nassau readers would know that it was raining cats and dogs yesterday morning.
I had just dropped my two little ones off to school and headed north on Collins hill.Sitting on
the corner of Collins hill and Shirley Street waiting to get on to Shirley Street, which most of
you know is a one-way major street heading west, a female driver hit me from behind.Yeah,
I know, "female drivers", right? The lady driving hit me so hard, she forced my car to propel
onto Shirley into the oncoming traffic. Luckily the driver of the oncoming car, which baaarely
missed charging straight into my car, had quick reflexes and stopped just in time. The lady
who hit me immediately hopped out of her vehicle to see if I was ok. Her exact reaction was
"Are you ok??!! I don't care about the car!! I just wanna make sure you're ok!!!" It had all
happened so quickly, and I think it must've been a cross between the shock of being hit, the
fact that it was pouring rain, and barely escaping sudden death, that all I could say was
"Everything's cool....don't worry about it," and I quickly hopped back into my car and pulled
off. I don't think I even really paid close attention to my car's bumper to see the extent of the
damage. Luckily it was minimal. The whole drive to work from that point got me to thinking...

It's amazing how many things in life we take for granted. I thought about a lot of things....

- Here it was, a complete stranger, even though she did not know me (and granted it was her
fault), cared more about my well-being than her material car.

- Since last April, after having my annual physical, I was supposed to have a colposcopy
done, after finding out that my papsmear was abnormal. There's a history of gyne-related
cancers in the women on my father's side of the family. From then till now I've been putting
off the procedure that I needed to have done. I need to take better care of myself..........

- I was so much in a rush to get to work......to a job that would be there regardless if I made
it on time or not. In fact, a job that if I were to die would simply be given to someone else.....

- This past year I've been trying so hard to mend a broken heart that I've lashed out at those I
love, I've lashed out at those I've grown to hate, I've been "looking pretty and smiling", I've
put all my focus into various projects, I've done everything in my power to find every and
anything to occupy my mind and spirit; to take away from the pain. I've come to the
realization that it's just better to accept the pain and deal with it, rather than trying to erase it,
or make subtle attacks against those who've hurt me. It has given me a new level of strength
that I never knew I had. I've actually been able to embrace it and draw a new kind of
inspiration.

- There are some things in life I just can not change, and just need to exhale and release,
accept certain things for what they are, and still maintain a balance between trying to save
the world and making a positive difference.

All of the actions, reactions, causes and effects that encompass this thing we call "life" can be
so motivating if we take the negative and turn it into something positive.

Here is a speech from the CEO of Coca Cola that I found so impressive:

Live, Love, Learn!!

Mary J Blige I Can Do Bad All By Myself song

2010-09-03T22:38:00.001-04:00

Inspired....

Mary J Blige I Can Do Bad All By Myself song:
"Somebody told me once that pain is a game we all gotta play.
Then why am I in overtime and sudden death every other day.
I know that for the good of life there's a price we all gotta pay
But I'll pay till I'm poor and I still don't know what it is to have a good day.
Yeaa
Since everybody knows what it is that I need to do.
Well do me a favor, let me worry bout me and you worry bout you.

I don't need no one to put me down,
I'm on the ground can't get no lower.
And I don't need no one to hang around an make me frown just makes me look older.
And I don't need no one to black my eye an tell me lies
Don't wanna cry over nobody else
No no no no I can do bad all by myself

Somebody told me once that runnin from the rain don't make no sense.
I had my own dog cry for awhile now, it ges where ever I'm goin.
Yeaa
Your tellin me the grass just might be greener on he other side.
But I don't wanna take a chance on dirt when I got grass even tho the grass has died.
Oohh since everybody knows what it is that I need to do,
Well do me a favor, let me worry bout me an you worry bout you

I don't need no one to put me down,
I'm on the ground can't get no lower.
And I don't need no one to hang around an make me frown just makes me look older.
And I don't need no one to black my eye an tell me lies
Don't wanna cry over nobody else
No no no no I can do bad all by myself

Some feel real bad for me
I didn't ask you for your sympathy
NOOO I know God is watchin over me
So I guess that the good I was suppose to be
Ohh yes

I don't need no one to put me down,
I'm on the ground can't get no lower.
And I don't need no one to hang around an make me frown just makes me look older.
And I don't need no one to black my eye an tell me lies
Don't wanna cry over nobody else
No no no no I can do bad all by myself

Karma's a Bitch

2010-08-26T00:01:00.004-04:00

Sitting in my thinking chair thinking.........
Thinking of how much it must pain you to still love me;
To love me and not receive my love in return.
Thinking of how much I still hate to love him;
A vain attempt to deny a truth buried deep within.
How profound is the heart's design.
How cruel is karma's intent
To make one feel another's pain
By walking a mile and a half in his shoes.
I'm sorry for scorning your kisses;
They did not melt my heart the way his did.
I'm sorry I cringed when you touched me.
Your fingertips did not send shockwaves to my soul.
I'm sorry I saw nothing when I looked in your eyes.
I saw everything I thought I needed in his.
I'm sorry he has wounded me in a way you probably never would;
A wound so deep even my scars have scars.
Sorry for choosing to look past all his bad and still see his good.
I'm sorry that life has made me who I am today.
No, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for any of it.
This bitter-sweet reality the core of my strength.
No one will ever be allowed into that special space again.
A promise kept true to reserve that space for one, and one alone.
You still want me to let you love me the way you feel am supposed to be,
But maybe he did love me the way I was supposed to be....
My punishment, my strength, my joy, my sadness, my curse....
My karma.

Insomnia of the Soul

2010-08-19T16:49:00.000-04:00

Repulsed at the sound of your name;
Gagging at the ghost of your face;
Continually haunting my restless soul.
Get out of my head! Leave me alone!
Relinquish my mind!
It does not belong to you.
Put me out of my misery;
End this relentless torment!
I do not hate you; I know you want me to.
Tho your selfish contentment disgusts me;
Your blatent disregard clings to the core,
Like a parasitic leech;
Trying to suck, drain, consume, and deplete every ounce;
Every ounce of my psychosomatic being.
I release this curse.
Tho your poison's sting still lurks amidst the ghoulish shadows,
My soul shall be at peace once again.
Rest a while, o restless soul.......rest a while.

In Loving Memory of Meldora Louise.........

2010-08-11T18:27:00.000-04:00

Two years ago on this day everything changed........my world has never been the same since.
You were more than just a grandmother to me.
You were my confidant, my strong shoulder, my backbone.
More than anyone else put on this earth to be my "friend",
You were the one truest to understanding me the best.
I know especially over the past few years before your passing, I must've stressed you to pieces,
Yet you still managed to smile everytime I saw you;
A smile so priceless it has been imprinted in my memory bank for life.
You never, ever passed judgement on my choices in life, but still always offered positive advice.
I can hear you now....."You makin sure dese children eat hot food?" (lol), or
"You comb dis child hair today?" "Yes ma'am." "Well why it look like dat?!"
"Cause you bless dem wit nice soft, live hair like you! It wouldn't stay fix! smt.".......
You loved my kids so much.....all of your great-grandkids in fact.
(I just always felt mine were special....lol)
I miss our talks, the "naughty" giggles.......oh how you got a kick out of anything "fresh"! lol,
The bellowing belches, the atomic farts, lmao (and they say women fart quietly...lol).....
I believe you just got a kick out of doing it to see the expression on my face,
Because you let out the loudest, contagious laugh ever each time you were done.
The benny and coconut cakes, the banana bread,
licking the pan from the banana bread batter.......num!! (lol),
The homemade bread, the ice cold lemonade,
the massive homemade hamburgers that NO ONE could match..........(sigh).
Just look at how I gazed upon your beautiful face ever since I was a mere infant...
Life is not the same since you've been gone.......
Ma, I MISS YOU!!

The Man of My Dreams

2010-08-03T15:27:00.000-04:00

The man of my dreams paid me a visit last night.
To remind me that dreams do come true.
He kissed my forehead, brushed my hair off my face,
And whispered softly, "Baby, I love you".
I'd heard those three words so many times before,
But this time they were true to me;
Not just because they made me feel good,
Or because I wanted them to be.
The scars from the burns had all fade away;
The rekindled glow in my soul was real.
Never thought I could feel this feeling again;
Never thought I'd be able to feel.
The burns had left such ghastly scars,
My entire being was cold and numb,
But the man of my dreams changed all that.
He got me out of my slum.
If only I could still trust him enough to open up,
And let my thick shield down.
I want so much to love again;
Permanently erase that hidden frown.
So goodnight "Mr. Right".
I'm so sorry, but you're still oh so wrong.
It's time for me to wake up from my dream.
Smt. Now you're gone!

Today's Purposed Thought

2010-07-28T15:03:00.001-04:00

~~Life's deepest purpose can be found in relationships. It is our connections with our parents, our children, our significant other, our siblings, and our friends that provide us with LASTING joy.~~

......or as it should be anyways......

Eminem feat Rihanna - Love the way you lie lyrics - Sarcasm at its FINEST!! Love It!!

2010-07-26T16:11:00.001-04:00

Destiny's Child

2010-06-28T17:27:00.004-04:00

Destiny's heart fervently pumps
A well filled with shrouded anguish and despair.
See their tender counterfeit smiles.........
Rosy cheeks destined to throb with concealed pain,
Like irksome bee stings that won't fade away;
A gut-wrenching, nauseating sensation
Of what is destined to be but a mere chapter in their story.
Destined to love, but not be loved in return.
Destined to resent, for being rejected.
Destined to want, but not receive.
Destined to cry Destiny's Well full of tears.
Destined to hope for a brighter tomorrow.
Destined to be......
Destiny's Child

What Love Means

2010-06-22T16:39:00.007-04:00

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time,
even when his hands got arthritis, too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne,
and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy
are like that. They look gross when they kiss.'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.'
Nikka - age 6 (We need a few million more Nikka's on this planet.)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends
even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all
the people watching me and saw my Daddy waving and smiling. He was
the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My Mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else
kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says
he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes
and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it,
you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.

Move Past Your Mountain

2010-05-27T15:53:00.000-04:00

Today's Word From Joel and Victoria:

Let me ask you, do you go out each day knowing
that favor is already in your future? Or have you
gottten stuck in a rut staring at a mountain of
disappointment, setbacks or difficulty?

That's what happened to the people of Israel.
They were headed toward their promised land.
They had big goals and big dreams, but along the
way they hit some setbacks and had some
disappointments. They got so discouraged that
they gave up on their dreams and just settled
where they were. One day God said to them, "You
have dwelt long enough on this mountain." He
was saying, "It's time to move past this and
embrace the blessing in your future."

I believe God is saying that to each one of us
today. You've been where you are long enough.
God is saying, "This is a new day. Get your fire
back. Where you are is not where you're
supposed to stay." If you'll be determined to move
past your mountain, He will lead you and
empower you to live in favor and blessing in every
area of your life!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Heavenly Father, I give to You every area of my
heart. I give you my questions, my
disappointments, my doubts and fears. I choose
to trade my sorrow for Your joy. I choose to press
past my mountains so I can embrace the
promises You have in store for me. In Jesus'
Name. Amen.

THANK YOU LORD FOR GIVING ME MY FIRE BACK!!!

Strong Woman

2010-05-27T12:16:00.000-04:00

New Day, New Beginning

2010-05-17T16:42:00.000-04:00

Gaze upon my face.

Peer through the window to my soul.

Look deep into my eyes; past the dark brown hue.

See my vulnerabilities; see my strengths.

An imperfect human, living in an imperfect world.

Yet another new day dawns.

Yesterday's promise; although sometimes today's curse.

An unpredictable bitter-sweet sentiment
Of days gone by, and anticipation of days to come.
Tho undeniable pain lurks in the shadows, still see me smile.

Smile against all odds!
Smile because I can!
Smile, because it is magnificent being ME!!

The Ying Yang of Not Being With You

2010-05-14T15:23:00.010-04:00

No more warm embraces, to melt my frozen heart.
No more forehead kisses to erase the bitter thoughts.
No more tickle fights that make my ribs turn blue.
No more romantic poems from Mr. You-know-who.

Still wondering how, why, and what I did wrong.
Still try not to remenisce when I hear "our song".
Still bitterly echoes, "(Ynise,) You know I love you right?"
Still trying not to fight this pointless fight.

No more sunsets on the beach.
No more sunrises in your arms.
No more sweet words to distract me.
No more chauvenistic charm.

Still the pain lingers, like her cheap makeup left on your clothes.
Still trying to forget the soft kisses to my nose.
Still remember both times your eyes first met theirs.
Still picture you holding back those crocodile tears.

No more ins and outs, and ups and downs.
No more fake smiles on my face to hide the hidden frowns.
No more wondering where you are or who you're with this time.
No more being punished, as if asking was a crime.

Still foolishly forgive, but never, ever forget.....
Still live my life never, ever with regret.
Still gonna always give my all to the man who has won my heart.
Still always be me, right from the start.

True Lies

2010-04-26T16:59:00.012-04:00

She is consumed with anger, and enthralled in rage,
Because of the lies told by a wretched life.
A life said to be "content with the man in the mirror".....
The illusive mirror of a web of deceipt;
A web sewn for the capture of naive, ignorant prey(s).
Except, all not as weak as he would like;
So weak as to be so lured by the bait of inventive rumors
In an attempt to appease his notion of an appetite for scandal.
The truth known by the mere bystanders;
From daily witnessing the personification of a life.....her life.....
A life lived in the purest of diffidence.
A life not perfect, yet always true to love and loyalty.
A life they saw taken for granted, constantly used, and abused.
The truth, yes, known by the mere bystanders, who listen yet ignore his lies;
Who laugh not to his face at the apparent sincerity of his obvious insanity.
Lies told so often until he has convinced himself as truth.
The truth, yes known by the mere bystanders;
Who saw the authenticity of the way she tried so hard in vain to show her love;
Who tried to save her from the wrath of his deep-rooted anger many times.
Although by the time she took heed, her wound was too deep.
He disowns his own kin, and feels justified in this.
He tries so hard to belittle her with slander and defamation
In an attempt to discredit the woman he "loved" with such furtive repugnance,
But she still stands with her head held high!
For the Truth has been her anchor,
And the Truth will set her free!

In Jesus' Name

2010-04-14T11:42:00.006-04:00

Father, I come before You today in all humility.
The strength I have is not my own, but comes from You.
I praise and adore You, for You alone are worthy.
I present myself before You as an imperfect human in need of Your strength;
Confessing my sins before You right now, and humbly asking Your forgiveness.
Lord, I thank You for always being here for me when I need You;
For being a friend that always sticks closer than anyone else;
For Your grace, mercy, and devine favor that's always seen me through.
I will praise You in the good times, and even in the bad.
It has been the bad times that have strengthened me and helped me to grow.
Thank you for never giving up on me; even when others have failed me.
Lord, this life has taught me so much, and I my prayer this day is that You
help me to walk with my eyes open, and become wiser each day.
Continue to guide me as I try to be the best mom I can be to my babies.
Help me to be a better "me", so that I can be a better person for them.
Build a hedge round about them, that they may never know harm.
Thank You for always making a way out of no way, that their needs have been met.
I renounce any plan that the enemy may have right now for our lives, and claim victory!
Thank You for forgiving me of the mistakes of my past, helping me forgive myself,
and for a hope-filled future, filled with whatever is Your will for my life.
In Jesus' name I pray.
AMEN.

Encore!!!!

2010-03-19T16:54:00.010-04:00

Round of applause for Mr. Typical, typical "man"......
Deceitfully-smiling, trust-betraying "man";
Sugar-tongued, ass-kissing "man";
Sorry-assed, good-for-one-thing "man";
Stupid, ignorant, immature "man";
Predictable, self-absorbed, opportunistic "man";
Always with a sad story, sorry-story "man";
Congratulations! Got a split second of hope out of me.....
Standing Ovation!
ENCORE!!!!

My Marvelous Meldora

2010-03-16T20:08:00.000-04:00

October 18, 1928 - August 11, 2008
R.I.P. "Ma"...We still miss you!
~~Gone But Never Forgotten~~

My Marvelous Meldora

(by my daughter Riche')

As I look into your deep brown eyes

With your long grey flowing hair
I see a beautiful woman
You were my role model and my life
Until you went away
I will always remember you
But now you are in a better place
The Lord has brought you into his humble home
A happier place to stay
You watch me from above each and everyday
The lord keeps your soul
And it shall never fade away

I love you Meldora Louise Scott ♥♥♥♥

A Change Must Come

2010-03-08T16:29:00.003-05:00

Who knows where the winds of change can blow?
Change is necessary in order to strengthen our minds, bodies, and spirits.
Whether we are able to adapt or not determines whether or not we are open to self-growth,
For where we are today is not where we were yesterday;
Thoughts, actions, feelings....can all change in one moment;
one gesture, one smile, one heart-beat, one song, one spoken or unspoken word.
Today's love can be tomorrow's agony. Yesterday's torment can be today's passion.
What determines what one thinks, does, or feels from one day to the next?
Who should be held accountable for the causes and effects that direct our daily choices?
Every cause brings about a different effect; every action, a different reaction.
Hence, accountability is necessary in order for maturity to be revealed.
True maturity encompasses admitting when one has wronged another, accepting one's imperfection,
and allowing one's mistakes to teach what not to do.
As humans, we all make mistakes, and should not be judged for doing so.
However, constant repetition of the same mistakes is only admitting to one's incapacity to grow or adapt to change.
Let us today begin a new era; an era where we embrace the changes that come in our daily lives!
For today, a change must come!

Deuces Wild

2010-03-02T23:38:00.001-05:00

Put thought to computer, when your thoughts are of me.
Blow me a kiss, as far as your thoughts can see.
Whisper hello, with the still voice of lust.
A smile you have earned of restored lost trust.
"Happily ever-after" can seem so cliche'
To the heart that thought pain would never go away.
Subconciously still it lingers, yet buried in a deep, dark hole.
Some may even say it is the root of your soul.
But I dare you to keep turning the pages of this story;
We both know that you know there is no need to worry,
Although this has been no fairytale or fable.
We both know that we are both more than able
To give freely of ourselves and with an open-heart,
If we just take that leap together right from the start.
Although it won't be easy, still it shouldn't be too hard.
But for the record, you're still my wildcard!

My Time!

2010-02-25T07:33:00.001-05:00

In my happy place today.
Today, a day longed for.
A deeply submerged smile I try so hard to hide;
In spite of, am told I simply glow.
The thought of my thoughts makes for indefinite blushing.
Humbly I embrace this feeling;
A feeling so powerful it overwhelms my entire being,
So I bask....bask and absorb every morsel;
Every air-grasping, hope-filled, open-hearted morsel!
Thankful for this time which is mine......
My time to beam! My time to shine!

TO MY DEAREST BROTHER........

2010-02-18T12:43:00.000-05:00

Time's winding down bro....two more days to the day your life will be changed forever. I'm so proud of the man you've always displayed, and I know you're going to be a great husband to Tia and father to your expected child, as you've been the best father I know to your own daughter already. May God continue to bless you and your new family.

As you embark upon this new journey called marriage, the story below is dedicated to you. Always remember to put God first, and never take the love and commitment you have for each other for granted; try your best to keep your promises, and when you're feeling doubt, or the pressures of life weigh you down, remember the reason that she chose YOU, and you her.... because you both saw in each other someone that was worth it. This one's for you.......
LOVE YA!

A MARRIAGE STORY

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table.. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. She said her reason being that our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

I later found out that, on the same day I broke the news to her that I wanted a divorce, that was the same day she had just come from the doctor and found out she was dying and had one month to live!

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

An Ounce of Gratitude

2010-02-15T22:02:00.002-05:00

"The only people you need in your life are the ones who prove they need you in theirs."

It's been about 6 months now since the day I thought my whole world had come to an end....3 months since you came into my life. You've supported me through my worst of times. Some days are good; others are from the pits of hell, yet you withstand the fire. You've been a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on when I feel overwhelmed. I've given you no reason to keep coming back; yet still you stay.

You say my smile lights up a room, and my soul jumps out of my eyes. You see my beauty even when on down days I don't see it myself. You admire me for the woman I've been, am now, and could possibly be.

Thank you for understanding my pain. Thank you for standing by my side through thick and thin. You know that I am still healing; you know my deepest fears, yet you've been so patient. You've shown me so far what a real man could possibly be like.

I want you to know that although I'm not fully sold yet, and you know this, I still appreciate your endurance. I put my trust in one man before, and, well......you know the rest........

Yet still..thanks for just being...YOU!

So Long, Big L!!

2010-02-09T23:03:00.007-05:00

You're a class act Big L!
Oh my gosh, thought I'd heard it all before......
Thanks for breaking that record.
Deny all you want. He knows the truth.
I called your name as my source, and he knows it was you.
He knows I didn't lie because the only way I could quote what
was said between the two of you was if I spoke with you personally.
You're a big, fat coward; it's what you are.
You "don't like feeling (fucking) threatened"????
A "private person"??? Yet in the same breath
"Said whatever you said to me in confidence"???
I ASKED YOU if you minded me confronting him on what you said.
Your exact response was that you "could care less!"
How the fuck can you now contradict yourself this way and still think you're right?
Go to fucking hell and stay there,
You worthless piece of shit!!
You are CLEARLY NOT, my friend.....I need to stop using that word so loosely anyways.
What??? Thought by telling me that you saw them together
I'd maybe give you the time of day?
Aw my.........poor thing.....
Feelings hurt, so you felt you had to lie
when he confronted you on your slandering tongue?
Did you pee your pants when he confronted you?? LOL.
It's ok, I understand.........NOT!!!!!!
"Out of respect for my brother" you didn't post what you had to say to me on my wall?
HA!! JOKES!!!....you're the funniest yet.
My kids lost their father the day I told him to leave
because of what YOU told me!!
A downward spiral of a series of events that stemmed from YOUR tongue,
and completely broke the connection he and I once shared;
between each other, and his with our children.
I wash my hands of you.
FUCK YOU!
And trust me, you can take that cheque to the bank and cash it!

Alicia Keys Lyrics Wait Til You See My Smile (OFFICIAL)

2010-02-06T20:58:00.001-05:00

Still Smiling! :)......

Quit in 2010!

2010-02-04T23:38:00.001-05:00

1) Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness!
-Respect their position and keep it moving!

2) Quit telling people your secrets when you know they are not going to keep them!
-And if you keep telling them, then quit getting mad when they tell your secrets!

3) Quit trying to pull people on your journey who don't want to travel with you!
-Either they believe in you and value you ...or they don't!

4) Quit complaining about things you can't and won't change!

5) Quit gossiping about other people!
-Minding our own business should be a full time job!

6) Quit blaming each other for things that in the big picture aren't going to matter 3 weeks from now!
-Talk solutions...and then implement them!

7) Quit eating things you know are not good for you!
-If you can't quit...eat smaller portions! (I know...this is hard for me too!)

8) Quit buying things when we know we can't afford them!
-If you don't have self control, then quit going to the stores!
-Quit charging things, especially when you don't NEED them!

9) Quit staying in unhealthy relationships!
-It is not okay for people to verbally or physically abuse you! So quit lying to yourself!
-It is not okay to stay in the marriage for the children! Ask them and they will tell you that they really would prefer to see you happy and that the misery you and your spouse/partner are living with is affecting them!

10) Quit letting family members rope you into the drama!
-Start telling them you don't want to hear it!
-Quit spreading the drama!
-Quit calling other relatives and telling them about your cousin or aunt! Go back to #5 -minding your own business should be enough to keep you busy!

11) Quit trying to change people! IT DOESN'T WORK!
-I am still working on this because I really see a world of possibilities for others and try to convince them to see and want differently for themselves!
-Quit cussing people out when you know that they are just being the miserable and jealous people that they are!

12) Quit the job you hate!
-Start pursuing your passion
-HINT: find the job that fuels your passion before you quit!

13) Quit volunteering for things that you aren't getting personal fulfillment from anymore!
-Quit volunteering for things and then failing to follow through with your commitment!

14) Quit listening to the naysayer!
-Quit watching the depressing news if you are going to live in the doom and gloom of it all!

15) Quit making excuses about why you are where you are or why you can't do what you want to do!

16) Quit waiting on others to give you the answers...and start finding the answers for yourself!

If what you are doing isn't working for you...then quit it!
-Quit settling and start making your dreams a reality!
-Quit being afraid and START LIVING YOUR LIFE!

Accepting the Unacceptable

2010-01-28T16:03:00.001-05:00

Grieved in my spirit......
Heart heavy-laiden.
The overwhelming feeling
Of an endless abyss of an unfulfilled void.
Unbearable pain felt for my innocents.
The burden of their hearts carried with me daily.
Try so hard to fix which is broken;
All but an effort in vain.
Another lesson to just stand still not learned.
Opportunity for peace not embraced by the closed-minded
Or frozen-hearted, heartless hearts.
Must accept that one (wo)man can not change the world,
And stop trying to fight a losing battle.
Accept the unacceptable,
And SET MY SPIRIT FREE!

Today's "First Lesson"

2010-01-24T16:35:00.004-05:00

Reader: A reading from the Word of God written in Ecclesiasticus 51:1-12

I shall give thanks to you, Lord and King; I shall praise you, God my Saviour. I give thanks to You, because You have been my protector and my helper, rescuing me from destruction, from the trap laid by a slanderous tongue, and from lips that invent lies. In the face of my assailants, You came to my help; in the fullnes of Your mercy and honour, You rescued me from gnashing teeth waiting to devour me, from hands that threatened my life, from the many troubles I endured, from the choking fire enveloping me, from flames I had not kindled, from the deep recesses of the grave, from the foul tongue and the lying word - a wicked slander spoken in the King's presence. I came very near to death, close to the brink of the grave. On every side I was surrounded, and there was no one to help; I looked for human aid and there was none. Then I remembered Your mercy, Lord, what You did in days long past; You deliver those who put their trust in You, and free them from the power of their enemies. From the earth I sent up my prayer, begging to be rescued from death. I cried, 'Lord You are my Father; do not abandon me in time of trouble, when I am helpless in the face of arrogance. I shall praise You continually; I shall sing hymns of thanksgiving.' My petition was granted, for You saved me from destruction, bringing me out from my desperate plight. Therefore I shall give You thanks and praise; I shall bless the name of the Lord.

Reader: The Word of the Lord. All: Thanks be to God.

Stop!

2010-01-18T22:52:00.001-05:00

You say you want me to open my heart....
To give love one more try.
You say you want me to forget the hurt....
Forget that other guy.
You say you shouldn't have to pay
For one man's hollow heart.
But see, you don't feel what I feel.
It's not you who's heart got ripped apart.
So maybe you've been hurt before too,
And yes, maybe it hurt a bit,
But did you give that person your soul,
And all of you that comes with it?
Did you stay through thick and thin?
Do you KNOW you gave your all?
Did you try to pick them up,
Even when they'd stumble and fall?
See, you haven't been where I have been,
Or seen or done the things I did,
So please don't compare your experiences to mine.
Just go away! Stop! Please quit it!
I don't want to know what you "think" you can do,
Or what you feel you need to prove.
Don't you get it? I've heard it all before.....
Stop trying to think up your next move.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,.....it's his big loss,
And blah blah blah blah too!
I've had about enough hot air.
What's wrong with you? Can't you hear?
Or maybe English Language wasn't your best
Back when you were in school.
Sorry to drop it so cold today,
But momma ain't raise no fool.
So please just give it a rest already!
And please don't waste your time.
Screw the "penny for your thoughts"!
How 'bout I give you a dime........

Reflection #2

2010-01-11T16:08:00.003-05:00

"For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me." Then the righteous will answer Him, "Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You something to drink? And when did we see You, a stranger, and invite You in, or naked and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?" The Kind will answer and say to them, "Truly, I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me." - Matthew 25:35 - 40

Yesterday was a bitterly cold day for us here in Nassau, considering we're used to temperatures on average ranging from 85 - 90 degrees in the middle of the day. I believe our daytime high was somewhere around 60 degrees, with a wind chill so cold, it felt like 45.

During my travels, I encountered a scenario SO touching, I just had to share it. While traveling east on Bias Street, heading toward Blue Hill Road, there sat a homeless man in a wheel chair in the distance, with his head hung, shivering in the cold. As I got closer to him, I noticed another gentleman pull his vehicle on the side of the road, hopped out, took off his jacket, and placed it on the homeless man. He then, right there, out in the open, took the sneakers and socks he was wearing off his feet, and put them on the homeless man's feet, taking his time to make sure his laces were tied as well.

I tried not to stare, but I couldn't help myself. It was SO heart-warming to see such a selfless act. Now, I'm no Mother Theresa, because if you rub me the wrong way, I WILL tell you about your ass, but I've always believed in trying to show God's love to everyone, and this scenario really touched my heart.

So many times I see beggars or homeless people, or even drug addicts on the street, and I watch how people walk straight pass them as if they don't exist, or see them and scorn them, or pass judgement on them; not knowing what that person had been through in life to get to the point they're now at. None of us are perfect, so how dare we pass judgement on another.

Let us take this time to reflect on "The Golden Rule", and try to excercise it in our daily living.

New Year Love - Dedicated to The Ones I Love and Hold Dear.

2010-01-07T12:01:00.001-05:00

One day, a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning,
in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain
of learning that sometimes there isn't an "anymore". No more hugs,
no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls
just to chat, no more "just one minute". Sometimes what we care
about the most gets all used up and goes away; never to return
before we can say goodbye, or say "I love you".

So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when
it's broken, and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriages,
relationships, old cars, and children with bad report cards, and dogs
with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them
because they are worth it; because we are worth it.

Some things we keep...like a best friend who moved away, or a
sister-in-law after divorce; there are just some things that make us
happy no matter what.

Life is important; like people we know who are special. And so we
keep them close!!

I received this from someone who thought I was 'a keeper'! Then I sent
it to the people I thought of in the same way. I thought, "Suppose one
morning I never woke up.....do all my friends know I love them?"

I was thinking, "I could die today, tomorrow, or next week, and I wondered
if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed
rekindling, or three words needing to be said.

Let everyone of your friends know you love them, even if you think they
don't love you back. You would be amazed at what those three little words
and a smile can do.....and just in case I'm gone tomorrow....

I L O V E Y A !!!

*****Live Today, Because Tomorrow is Not Promised*****

A Time For New Beginnings

2010-01-05T10:23:00.003-05:00

"One Door Closes.....Another One Opens"

The Power Of ONE Sentence:

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go; only one of two things will happen:
Either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!!

SOARING ON WINGS OF AN EAGLE, BABY!!!

To The Family of The Late Ruth Renae Brown

2009-12-31T19:24:00.002-05:00

- In Loving Memory (October 31, 1967 - December 31, 2008)
~~Our Sister, Our Aunt, Our Friend~~
**REST IN PEACE**

"When Tomorrow Starts Without Me"

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realised,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is passed,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven,
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

- David M. Romano

~~~ With All My Love, Ynise ~~~

MONICA - FOR YOU I WILL

2009-12-27T12:53:00.002-05:00

Dedication to my babies. MOMMY LOVES YOU!

Reflection

2009-12-25T00:33:00.007-05:00

"Away in a manger, no crib for His bed, the little Lord Jesus laid down His
sweet head. The stars in the bright sky looked down where He lay;
the little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay."

"And this shall be a sign unto you. Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." Luke 2:12

As I reflect today on the day our Savior was born, my heart can't help but get full. "Swaddling clothes" are nothing but strips of cloth.....STRIPS! A "manger", nothing more than a mere feeding trough for animals. In all humility our Lord and Savior came into the world, but how could He not, coming from such humble beginnings.

As a mother myself, I can't help but admire the strength of Mary, His mother. I am sure she had to have been terrified when told she was carrying the Son of God. Yet in all humility, she arose to the challenge. She bore the burden of public ridicule; she held her head high; she accepted the title of Jesus' mother with pride. She trusted in God, and knew that He would take care of them; inspite of her limited means to bring Him into the world.

Let us always remember that even in the worst of times, we can always count on Jesus, and from the humblest of beginnings was born a KING!.....inpite there being no more room at the inn, and being turned away by the innkeeper.

Merry Christmas to All of You!!!

Serenity Prayer

2009-12-24T22:55:00.001-05:00

Facebook | Beyond A Chance: Women....know and understand your worth!!

2009-12-18T19:37:00.002-05:00

Facebook Beyond A Chance: Women....know and understand your worth!!: (By my dear old classmate Tamika Brice) - Girl you preachin to the choir!! This is too deep.....

"Picture it Sicily...1892 (**DEAD**)

Here I was minding my own business...not needing anyone, content in my own space and YOU showed up.

He saw in me a woman who didn't need to be loved....but who already had love so he wanted to add on to that.

He saw in me a woman who wasn't looking for attention....but who already knew how to give herself attention and he wanted to add on to that.

He saw in me a woman who could take care of herself emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually... and he found himself immersed in my total completeness and he wanted to be apart of it.

You see, he knew that he couldn't provide you with class, pride, self-respect and self-love....he didn't want to supplement anything in your life, but compliment it. You were too needy and too pushy.....you lost who you are trying to be who you thought he wanted you to be.

You forgot that You were complete without him....
You forgot that You were special without him....
You forgot that You didn't need him as much as You need yourself.....
You forgot that there was life before him, maybe a life with him and definitely life after him.

He found himself overwhelmed by your insecurities and neediness that he eventually escaped that exhausting environment.

He made his choice and if he doesn't recognize my worth in the time that he is with me?

I will NOT hold on to him.....
I will gladly release him.
That doesn't mean he's not a good man....it just means he's not a good enough man for me.

Moving.....

Take A look @ the past...

And I'm OUT!

DEUCES!!"

The Power of Tears

2009-12-17T21:44:00.000-05:00

"There is sacredness in tears.....they are not the mark of weakness.....but of Power.....they are messengers of overwhelming grief.....and of unspeakable Love....."

- Thanks Edrica

Muah!!!!

2009-12-16T23:20:00.005-05:00

Nummy Chocolate!!!!

"Pathetic" Never Looked So Good

2009-12-15T14:17:00.007-05:00

"Pathetic" is my heart that's wide as the ocean....
"Pathetic" for being powerless against its strength....
"Pathetic" for crying an ocean of tears....
"Pathetic "for "laying my ass on the delivery table twice" (lol)......
"Pathetic" for giving the best to my gems......
"Pathetic" for loving them above anyone else......
"Pathetic" for forgiving but never forgetting......
"Pathetic" for finding it hard to let go......
"Pathetic" for taking the undeserved blows......
"Pathetic" for feeling so used yet so incomplete......
"Pathetic" for not understanding the hows or the whys......
"Pathetic" for not competing with the irrelevant......
"Pathetic" for being a woman of class......
"Pathetic" for knowing my own self-worth......
"Pathetic" for being an imperfect human......
"Pathetic" for always admitting when I'm wrong......
"Pathetic" for never being appreciated when I'm right......
"Pathetic" for leaving doors wide shut......
"Pathetic" for loving beyond the unworthy......
"Pathetic" for loving unconditionally......
"Pathetic" for standing through the toils and snares......
"Pathetic" for being a strong black woman.
"Pathetic" for having God in me......
"Pathetic" am I for "emphasizing my words" in this post.
"Pathetic" am I.......pathetically me!

"The Element of Freedom" - "Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart"

2009-12-15T00:20:00.001-05:00

Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me
And even in the bottom of the sea
I can still hear inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time you were telling me lies

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart
Well you can try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, only, nobody ever shut it down like you
You wore the crown, you make my body feel heaven-bound
Why don’t you hold me, need me, I thought you told me
You’d never leave me

Looking in the sky I can see your face
And i knew right where I’d fit in
Take me, make me
You know that I’ll always be in love with you
Right til the end

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could have told you right from the start
It’s bout fall apart
So rather than hold onto a broken dream
Or just hold onto love
And I could find a way to make it
Don’t hold on too tight
I’ll make it without you tonight

So tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you
I’m gonna hold onto the times that we had
Tonight I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

2009-12-14T06:33:00.009-05:00

Why should I feel discouraged?

Why should the shadows come?

Why should my heart feel lonely,

And long for heav'n and home?

When JESUS is my portion..

A CONSTANT friend is he.

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know he watches me.

I sing because I'm happy.

I sing because I'm free!

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know he watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled,"

His tender words I hear.

And resting on his goodness,

I lose all my doubts and ALL my fears.

Though by his hand he leadeth,

But one step I may see,

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know he watches me.

Whenever I am
tempted,
Whenever clouds
arise,
Whenever songs give place to
sighing.
When hope within me
dies,
I draw closer to HIM:
From care He sets me
free.
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know HE cares for me!

Let It Go, TD Jakes

2009-12-12T10:19:00.001-05:00

Thank you Lord!

Truthfully Speaking

2009-12-12T09:30:00.001-05:00

Today I need to get some things off my chest.
Today I really need to try and exhale.
If I don't I think I may literally explode.
So they say, confession is good for the soul.
I am SO sick and tired of keeping things bottled up inside all the time;
SO sick and tired of staying quiet.
Today I will speak out.
Today the truth will be revealed.
For four years.....yes, AGAIN, I say FOUR YEARS, I committed my life to you;
To you my loyalty remained.....even in the worst of times.
It was ME you could always call on.
It was ME you always knew you could depend on.
It was ME you brought home and introduced to your family.....I still remember the day.
It was ME you came home to.
It was ME who you could wake up 3:00 in the morning so I could "put you to bed", because you couldn't sleep.
It was me who forgave you over and over again.
It was ME who fell in love with your daughter, and she with me.
It was ME who saw the pain in your eyes and felt it for you when you "thought" you lost your most recent child, and shared your loss with me.
Even each time you would look me in my eyes and say those three words I loved to hear.
Over and over again.
I held onto that promise each time said. I wanted SO bad to believe it was true.
Every night you would hold me in your arms as we went to sleep, I basked in your sweet embrace. Any issue I may have had with you would just fade in the distance, because I was happy to know you were there with me.
Each time you hurt me, I made excuses for your actions.....blaming your actions on past experiences, past hurts and pains.....I stood by you through it all; I tried to understand you.
Turned my back on my own family to prove my loyalty to you; I made YOUR family my family.
Both times I found out I was pregnant, I was SO happy, because it was for you.
When I found out I was having your son, it made me so proud to be able to give you something NO ONE else had been able to.
Our baby girl was a miracle....you know all of this, yet you've chosen to turn your back on both of them.
I chose to let you take the lead in our relationship, as a man, as my future husband, as my soulmate. I tried to be the submissive woman you wanted me to be.
I made sure you had something hot to eat everyday, I made sure your clothes were clean and pressed when you wanted to go out, I took in family members when times were rough, I loved with all my heart and soul.
Where did it get me?
Each time I expressed displeasure about anything that YOU KNEW was wrong concerning the way you treated me, I was punished in some way or form.
I have been physically and mentally abused by you; but I'm still standing
I have had to deal with you spreading lies about me to make yourself look good; but still try to smile.
Now I'm not only forced to accept that it was all a lie......it had to have been;
I also have to deal with the new lady in your life who actually believes everything you've told her......also posting lies about me and defaming my character publically.....words your children will be able to see for years to come.
I am done stooping to her level because she is not worth it, and I'm bigger than that.
She's now doing the exact same thing as it relates to defending you to the end, except I never fought over you with any of your hoes. I always confronted YOU on it, because YOU were the one who said you loved me.
Our relationship was always a bed of roses too, until each time you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
For this same reason we had been on again, off again ever since I had our daughter.
I LET YOU GO, Jason! I'd had enough.
No human being deserves to be treated the way you treated me, and she has the nerve to say that you despise ME? For what? For knowing my own self-worth? For saying "enough is enough"?
If she had any sense, she would realise that you know the worst way you could ever hurt me is to hurt my babies, which could be the only reason you're staying away.
I'm not the selfish one; it's you.
But seriously, did you really think after the last time you put your hands on me that I would actually do nothing? YES, I went to the police......I preferred for them to deal with you than to take the law in my own hands.
See, I love my kids too much, and I would not be able to love them the way they needed to be loved behind bars.
Yes, I said I miss you...but not for my own selfish reasons.....which I made perfectly clear.
I miss the fact that our children call your name ALL THE TIME, but you're not there.
It hurts me to the very core of my soul.
I HATE the fact that constantly choose vagina over your kids, when the ONE thing you made PERFECTLY CLEAR when we first started dating was for me to never put you in a position where you'd have to choose between your kids and myself.....and I NEVER did that.
You have proven to me that you are NOT the man I wanted to believe you were or even could be.
All I can do is pray for you.
I am exposing my feelings and vulnerabilities right now to the world, and I don't even care anymore.
But, I am SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED.
"Ignite my fire Lord, I want to burn for you! Consume me oh Lord, as I cry out for you!"

"El Fin"

2009-12-09T21:31:00.003-05:00

Think you know him SO well, you jolly Jane of late.
You're just like all the other fools, eating all the bait.
I don't care how close you think you are,
Or what you feel you have to prove.
I've known him much longer than you have.
You're just getting in the groove.
There's nothing that I need forgiveness for;
My conscience is very clear.
He knows the truth about everything about me;
The lies he tells I do not fear.
Yes, I read your posts.
They give me quite a kick.
I really don't care what you say about me.
You're nothing more than a prick.
But even prickles can be pulled out.
Just pluck 'em one by one.
Do you think your words really move me now?
Lawd, I think I'm done!
Brrrrr......it's so cold.
Your lines are getting old.
You're not worth my time.
You'll never be allowed in my space.
So how 'bout you go and find one of his many bimbos to chase.

Inner Serenity

2009-12-06T17:19:00.002-05:00

"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time." - Sara Paddison

Thought I would change the world.
Thought I'd give it a shot.
Thought I would change the world;
Give it all I've got.
Thought I would change the world.
Give my very soul.
Thought I would change the world.
In the end took it's toll.
Thought I would change the world;
Be the best I could be.
Thought I would change the world,
but the world changed me.
Didn't see that hidden clause.
Didn't know there was a fee.
Yet still I grasped the opportunity;
Chose to love unconditionally
Chose to pay the price......
Tried to turn a blinded eye;
Turned out not worth the sacrifice.
But ya know what? It's ok.
I will still smile anyway.
Tried to break me, but made me stronger.
Tried to tear me down, but I stand taller.
Kiss, kiss.....our goodbye.
Kiss, kiss.....reach for the sky.

Momma's lullaby

2009-11-30T07:51:00.009-05:00

Hush little baby; don't you cry.

Momma's gonna always be by your side.

Nothing in this world could ever keep me away.

Know that for you I will always stay.

Although these perils try to knock me down.

Momma will never, ever wear a frown.

And although this world may seem so rough.

Momma's gonna teach you how to be so tough.

And when you've known that I'm all you've got.

You'll know in your heart who loves you a lot.

* Mommy loves you!

F*ck Off!!

2009-11-27T12:37:00.013-05:00

Do you not have a mind of your own?
Couldn't come up with your own original topic?
"Garbage Juice Pt. 2".......funny.
We'll see who laughs last.
Deleting my name will not reverse what was already done.
So easily manipulated, so easily swayed.....
So hasty in your actions....not actions of someone wise.
Actions of a child craving attention.
But like the old people of our town say....
"What ya ask for ya get!"
"Haste makes waste!!"
My how I pity thee.
Oh, but guess what?
I'm actually more intelligent than you give me credit for..
Yes, I am!
So I'm living with my mother (for now)....
Big deal....next year this time I'll have my own home.
You think because you have a little education you have
something more than I do to offer?
Newsflash heffer! I'm an educated bitch too!
In another three months a certified broker/dealer in the U.S.
Speaking two foreign languages at that!
If you want to know the truth about my divorce, just go to the public Registrar!
So you would LOVE to THINK I'm fucking his brother....
The look on my face where you thought you saw what you wanted to see said,
"this n*gga can't be serious."
But it's ok.......we all want to see what we want to believe....
to the extent that we sometimes convince ourselves it to be true.
Stop hating the fact that I have the kind of relationship
with his family and siblings that you only WISH you could, and just accept it for what it is.
When I cry, they cry. When I'm happy, they're happy.
They've ALWAYS had my best interest at heart...ALL OF THEM,
And I've always had theirs.
They look out for me, and I them, the way family is supposed to.
I was adopted as family, and family I will always be.
I was not made godmother to three family members' kids just for fun.
Get a clue!
"Sis" is more than just a title given to me.
Nobody has "tried to turn his family against him".
Right is right, and wrong is wrong.
It's time he stops blaming everyone but himself for his mistakes.
Be the man he says he is and start acting more responsible.
His actions as of late have not been of a 32 year old man, but one of a juvenile like yourself.
But you know what? True family forgives and moves on.
No one is keeping him away.
He stays away because he has been infected by the demon of manipulation.
Any woman/girl that would knowingly support a man turning his back on
his family and purposely neglecting his children is not a woman at all.
A mere child enjoying the thrills of childish games.
And I say "knowingly", because you gloat on your post of the fact that he hasn't been around.
Are you proud of yourself?
Does that make you feel big?
You delusional little girl! (note the spelling for your future reference)
You may feel like you have won for now, but the MAN I KNOW will one day catch his senses.
He may have lost his way for now, but everyone has a low point in life at some time.
And guess who will own that title in his memory book?
It most certainly won't be me,
because at the end of the day, deep down, he and everyone that matters
knows I ALWAYS genuinely cared and had his best interest at heart.
I DO realise though, that the man he has most recently displayed is just not good for me,
inspite of how my heart may feel. This is why i let him go.
The only thing that may hurt him right now is his pride; hence all the negative vibes.
But I know within myself that when he looked me in my eyes EACH time and said "I love you", he meant it from his soul, and he knows I've always meant it too because I showed it.
He may have lost his way for now, but even the prodigal son wallowed with pigs before he found his way back home.
JB I want to thank you though, for cutting me loose as well to give me this time to heal and love myself.
So you want him so bad you're willing to do WHATEVER it takes to have him?
You, lying, conniving, "infant killer".....be my guest!
Just save any further comments you may have for someone who cares.

*By the way......NO ONE stays with someone for as long as he did JUST because they're "easy pussy" as you put it......"Pussy is pussy".....words again from the horse's mouth, so he could get laid anywhere, anytime, from anyone he wanted IF that was all he was into....especially if the pussy was soooooooo foul. You think about that....

For The Record

2009-11-15T22:30:00.003-05:00

"Cinderella?".....Spinderella!!
Keep spinning your web of deceit.
He can spot a trixter a mile away.
Don't you mind him acting sweet.
You're not as special as you think
- you do the same things that we do.
Did he take you on a fantasy train ride?
News flash....we did that too!
Did you stay at the Days Inn with the Ihop?
Brilliant! We did that too!
How about breakfast?
Did you try the pancakes with fruit topping?
Must've been yummy.
Did he fuck your overused, worn-out cunny?
Nineteen years old, but already been 'round the block.
And word on the street is you're no stranger to many a cock.
He knows the truth....how you killed his kin.
Come on, you're studying law....you can't be that dim!
Do you think he really still wants you after killing his heart?
Aw man cupcake! I really thought you were smart.
"Nothing more than a decoy."....words from the horse's mouth.
Enjoy it while you can, cause your time will soon run out.
What do you have to show, except a pretty face, thighs and breasts?
I'm sure I know what you think it suggests.
But at the end of the day he still will come home.
Home is where the heart is.
His heart I'll always hold,
Cause their last names tell the tale.
Gotta hand it to ya though....you're really, really bold.
His family don't care about you, and that includes me.
We ARE his family 1 - 2 - 3.
Every family has it's ups and downs.
We call them "growing pains".
This cat and mouse game for four years we've played.
It's all part of the thrill.....it's why he's always stayed.
Do you really think I hated myself to want to end my own life?
You naive little ingrate!
Duh!.....I wanted to be his wife.
He knows my love is real even though he made me cry.
I know his love is deeper than he may show, or how much he may deny.
You're only eight years my own daughter's senior.....how sick really is that?
Ten years his own daughter's senior, as a matter of fact.
You can have him for now though, because you're not the only one.
Don't ever get it twisted.....this war you have not won.
He's a man. You're a girl.
It really makes me wanna hurl.
Ok, rhyme time over....time to spit it straight.
I'm his "psycho" baby-momma that he would so much love to hate.
Just remember when you think it's such a fairytale, to me it's nothing new.
Ponder that for a moment, and think about all the things you do.
When his lips touch yours, guess where they've been first?
When your sucking his cock, guess who's ass it blessed first?
Could go on some more, but I think I'd rather not.
Thought my expression was priceless?.....if you only knew my thoughts.

Afternoon Thoughts

2009-10-23T15:08:00.000-04:00

Every step I try to take forward seems to send two steps back.
Why does my heart ache so?
Everyday I convince myself that there's no more feeling left.
Why do I keep lying to myself?
I wish this feeling would just go away.
You came into my life and left your mark.
Gave you the very heart of me.
Yes, it does "hurt me to my soul".....but not for the reasons you think.
I believed in you more than you believed in yourself.
I forgave you, over and over again.....it meant nothing.
My babies, my joy......an afterthought to you.
Words left unsaid, actions left undone, chapters left open........
Will I ever love again?

On a Serious Note

2009-09-02T21:53:00.005-04:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Webster defines life as:

"the sequence of mental and physical experiences that make up the existence of an individual"

For some people life is a gamble.....a game of chance.
"You win some you lose some."
For others, it is a daily struggle to survive...a competition even, for some.
Doing whatever it takes to win,
No matter who they hurt or pull down in the process.
Why waste time playing childish games?
I am a WOMAN.
Have fun with your little girlfriend(s)...still with milk stained around the mouth,
Yet obviously worth more your time and energy......I have no energy to deal with it anymore.
But hey, whatever rocks your boat, right?
Just tell the bitch(es) to leave me the f*ck alone!
Yeah.......betcha didn't know that part, huh?
Maybe I kept quiet too long.......doesn't matter now.
I have finally found that inner peace so long searched for.
For almost four years my "life" has revolved around trying to make you happy......
Sacrificing my own happiness in return.
It has gotten me nowhere except bruised and beaten......in more ways than one.
Today is the dawn of a new era.
Today I will exhale.
Today I will begin a new life.
Loyalty is now but a mere seven-letter word....except for those deserving.
"I Hate You" does not mean "I don't want to think about you, but I do", because I no longer will.
It does not mean "I don't want to love you, but I do", because I don't.
It does not mean "I don't want to care, but I do", because if you don't give a damn, I don't give a f*ck!
I hate you means "Go f*ck yourself," from the very core of my soul!
I HATE YOU!
GO TO HELL!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

2009-07-22T21:50:00.006-04:00

Never knew the true meaning of love
Till you came into my life.
Love is patient.........
"Patience"....hmph!.....an understatement.
Given you my all.....sacrificed so much.
Loyal through thick and thin.
Even when some felt undeserved.
Who cares what people think!
Your past, yes, has made you who you are today.
Yet still I see a man of courage....a man worth so much.
Let me help you heal.
Let me help take the pain away.
You too know my past.
Let's heal together.
None of us are perfect.
We both have been left with scars.
I forgive you for everything.
It is you alone i desire.
Forgive me for anything I have done to hurt you.
For I am truly sorry.
Let's make our family complete.
You promised to love me no matter what.
I love you to infinity.
No one else will I ever permit to feel what is inside.
Reserved for you, and you alone.
Let me show you how it feels to be loved.
Let the warmth of my heart melt the ice away.
Comfort me with your sweet embrace.
Kiss away all my fears.
You are my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my soulmate.
I will be your support through your career quest.
I will help you get back on your feet when the perils of life knock you down.
I gat your back baby.
Down for you.......
Will you hold it down with me?

The Heart Of A Lioness

2009-06-10T22:47:00.001-04:00

Quietly she lurks.

Grazing cautiously.

Seeking her prey.

Her master....yes her master....

Lying contently in the field.

He has no need to want.

His wish is her every desire.

She hunts to kill.....to serve her king.

She nurtures her cubs and allows other cubs also to suckle.

He devours his gift and roars in appreciation.

Touches her, rubs her head, licks her.....

Quietly she purrs....

She has fulfilled her purpose.

Mr. Wrong

2009-05-31T17:20:00.005-04:00

When is right wrong,
and when is wrong right?
If loving you is wrong,
I don't want to be right....
So cliche', yet speaks my soul,
Even in the wee hours of the night.
I want to be the one to cater to you.
I want to be your support......
The one you lean on when times are rough.
The one you laugh with when times are good.
I want to be the one you come home to.
The one you know you can trust.
You keep trying to push me away
Because of the pain of your past.
So wrong for me, they tell me.
But my heart beats to a different drum.
Never turned my back on you,
As wrong as you seem to be.
I see a different man than shown on the outside.
I see a reflection of me.
Except sometimes wrong is wrong,
And sometimes right, right.
You've chosen what is best for you.
Now I must give up this fight.

Fondest Memories

2009-05-11T21:56:00.000-04:00

Lay your head on my lap.
Let me help your mind escape for just a while.
Close your eyes and absorb this moment.
My focus is now, and has always been on you.
A simple touch of your face to ease your discomfort.....
not as simple as it seems.
An amateur braid that you know looks like crap
Yet you ask me to do it anyway.
These are what I hold on to.
I stare at you asleep here in my warm spot.
Such peace illuminating from your face....
If only for this moment.
I see the man behind the mask.
A shadow of temporary innocence.
3 weeks, 2 days, 17 hours, 20 minutes.....
Since the last time I felt your touch.
Since the last time I tasted you.
Since the last time I saw "I need you" in your eyes.
Since the last time I trusted trust.
Since the last time you took my breath away.

Breaking Point

2009-05-03T05:45:00.002-04:00

Have you turned your back on me Father?
Daily I turn to You for strength.
I can not get through this on my own.
Needing You now more than ever before.
Convincing myself daily that it's getting better
When it is not.
Too many happy memories I hold on to.
Too much pain and suffering I endured in vain.
Can't see past this pain before me right now.
They are innocent in this battle,
Yet his back he turns on them.
I still love unconditionally despite the pain.
Loving enough to let it go as much as it hurts.
Loving enough to smile against all odds
When I am sobbing on the inside.
How much longer can I smile?
Hypocracy was never one of my strong suits.
I release it all to You.
By ANY means necessary....
Take it away from me, Lord!
Take it away from me.......

I FINALLY GOT IT!

2009-04-24T20:55:00.002-04:00

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by product of tribulations;
It isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
And brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own!
But I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said..Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
'May the Lord Bless you and keep you,
May the Lord Make His face shine upon you,
And give you Peace.....Forever'
'To the world I might be one person, but to one person I just might be the world!!'

The Greatest Gift Of All

2009-04-15T20:30:00.001-04:00

"Delightful" is her name.

"Little fighter" from journey's beginning to end.

"Chosen" to be the first;

Probably not the last.

God's precious gifts.

Twenty fingers; twenty toes.

Perfectly created.

Two pairs of eyes that twinkle.

Two set of smiles that light up any room.

Keys to my heart.

Tho you did not ask to be here.

I welcome you with open arms.

Will care for, nurture, and protect from hurt and harm

At any cost.

At the end of the day

No one but us against the world.

Death Becomes Her

2009-04-12T23:45:00.001-04:00

In the still of the night
When all I have left is air.
My faith is all gone.
Too weak to fight anymore.
Who defines what is strength?
Perception is reality.
Everyone's reality is not the same.
This post is filled with random ramblings.
My mind is not my own.
Confusion and bitterness have taken over.
Funny.....they always said I was psycho.
This is what is left of me.
Nothing but a mere hollow shell.
Life completely sucked from my body.
What is air?
Is it sufficient to sustain me?
What is its purpose
If there is no soul?
I may as well be dead!

HELP ME BELIEVE.....by Kirk Franklin

2009-04-05T22:15:00.002-04:00

"I just want to write you a letter. I have to be very honest with you right now. I don't really know how to say this... "

I wanna believe
But I'm having a hard time seeing past what I see right now, I see right now
I wanna be free
But when I try to fly I realize I don't know how, no one showed me how
Wish I could see that this mess I'm in will really work out for my good, you said it would
So, if you can hear me, can you give me a sign cause I don't feel you like I should, please if you could
My faith is almost gone, I can't hold on much longer, take this cup from me

Help Me Believe
Can I believe
Let Me believe
I wanna believe
I'm no good on my own, please give me another chance
It's hard to believe in what I can't see
To give you my will cause you're what's better for
You can look in my eyes and see I wanna believe, believe, believe, believe

(I want you to know)
I wanna believe
If I never hear I'm sorry I can let it go, gotta let you go
Cause, it's killing me.
Jesus you know how it feels cause you've been hurt before, don't wanna hurt no more
I'm trying to hear you speak, but my heart is growing weaker, take this cup from me

Help me Believe
Can I Believe
Let me Believe
I wanna Believe
I've been here before and can't take that hurt again
It's hard to believe in what I can't see
To give you my will cause you're what's better for
You can look in my eyes and see I wanna believe, believe, believe, believe

I wanna believe when I close my eyes on this side I'll wake up with you,
more in love with you
And, and finally, you will say my race it is over and my work is through,
cause I believed in you
I know dark nights will come and some days there'll be no sunshine and you're too far to see

Help Me Believe
Can I believe
Let Me believe
I wanna believe
I'm no good on my own, please give me another chance
It's hard to believe in what I can't see
To give you my will cause you're what's better for
You can look in my eyes and see I wanna believe, believe, believe, believe

Confessions of a Broken Heart

2009-04-02T21:50:00.001-04:00

Head pounding uncontrollably.
No aspirin can help this time.
This is me....plain and simple.
My pain is real.
You pinch me, I bruise.
You cut me, I bleed.
I am FAR from perfect...no one is.
Tried so hard...God knows I did.
Gave you my all.
You had me from hello.
My love is real....yes it still is.
Gone is the day our hearts beat as one.
Gone is the day your lips met mine.
Gone is the day I felt secure.
Gone is the day you had my trust.
All taken away in an instant.
Must find a way to just let it go.
What is meant to be will be.

ENOUGH

2009-03-31T23:45:00.000-04:00

Breaking point achieved.
Tolerance level exceeded.
Enough is enough!
Is enough!
Is enough!
What is my mission?
What is my purpose?
Drowning in a sea of misery.
Content now to be alone.
Not worth my time or effort.
Never appreciated.
Never acknowledged.
What's the point?
Want not anymore that I which I needed.
Completely repulsed.
Time waits for no man.
The truth has set me free!
Heart now cold as ice.
Old me's dead and gone.
Checkmate! You win!
Game over......
Was NOT fun playing with you.

Daddy's Little Girl

2009-03-27T10:11:00.000-04:00

She screams in anguish.
"Daddy stop!"
He doesn't listen.
Continues in his rage.
Madame Coke once again seduces him with her spell.
Mommy his victim yet again.
Quietly in a corner she sits,
Head between her knees,
Tears rolling down her cheeks.
Her bruised body quivers in pain.
She rocks back and forth
Humming a tune to take it all away.
This time would be the last.
No more can she take.
She walks out the door and never looks back,
Taking her little girl with her.
To this little girl, daddy was still her hero.
She knew he didn't mean to do the things he did.
He was sick and needed help.
She longed for the day that he would get better.
Eventually he did.
Unfortunately years had passed and mommy had moved on.
Regrets are simply that.....regrets.
She vows to not make the same mistake.

"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody's watching, and love like you've never been hurt."

Who Am I To You?

2009-03-22T22:36:00.002-04:00

Look at me.
What do you see?
Do I have your respect?
Have you heard my plea?
My heart is yearning
For the love you once showed.
Room for no one else but you.
Can't you see that? Don't you know?
Do you feel the pain I feel?
When I cry, do you cry?
Do you miss me when I'm gone?
Or are you happy I said goodbye?
What keeps drawing you back
If everyone's replaceable like you say?
What if I gave up on you?
Would you feel the same way?
Though others have pursued
Still I have always held fast.
What I feel for you is real,
And I so want for it to last.
No one understands but me.
But I hope that one day you can see
You mean the world to me, baby.
Yes, I LOVE YOU JB!

The Awakening

2009-03-16T23:10:00.001-04:00

Took away the torture.

Extinguished all the pain.

Had hope there was a future....

Nothing left to gain.

Suppose it was a foolish thought,

To think dreams do come true.

Wasted so much precious time

Thought I was your boo.

Turns out it was all a game;

This lesson learned the hard way.

Can only turn to God for strength

To face another day.

Swallowed hard, and let it go;

Will smile against all odds.

Against all odds, stood by your side,

And never let it show.

Betrayed, beaten, battered and bruised,

But no one would ever know.

Alas there comes a time

When only so much one can take.

Not stuck in a dream anymore.....

Very much awake!

10 Things I Love About You

2009-03-06T22:56:00.000-05:00

The sincerity in your eyes.

The passion in your soul.

The tenderness of your lips.

The warmth of your hold.

Your compassion toward those less fortunate.

Your strength as a man.

Your belief in God.

You shield and protect me like no one else can.

Tho you have your faults like everybody do.

There's one thing I never doubt.

That is your love is true.

Kiss My Candy ***!!!

2009-02-27T13:35:00.000-05:00

God, grant me the serenity.........

Some say I'm crazy.

Others think I'm nuts.

I know I'm stupid,

But then again, I've got guts.....

To acknowledge the fact that I'm not perfect.

Perfection is not a must.

Loyalty, on the other hand.....

I thought I had your trust.

Talk about me;

I don't care.

Matter of fact, eat my dust!

Haters wanna be me,

But all they can do is stare.

Not going to defend myself anymore;

Tired of all the lies.

The sun is shining bright outside,

Yet the sky still cries.

Confessions of an Idle Mind

2009-02-24T14:05:00.000-05:00

Wind howling outside.

Trees swaying to and fro.

Hark! I hear a bird chirping.

Cars passing by on a nearby street.

Everyone's in such a hurry today..........

I stare at the sky,

Relating today to its drab blend of grey and white.

So emotionless; so 'blah'.

An airplane graces its infinite space;

Piercing through that thick dark lining.

The sun now ironically peaks out.

Could this be a sign?

Everything is not always as it seems.....

What's Love Got To Do With It?.......Everything.

2009-02-15T22:45:00.001-05:00

Completely blindsighted....

Once again you've blown me away.

You didn't have to, but you did....

Heart still aglow.

Face red as a cherry.

Basking in that warm, feeling.

I smell you in my thoughts.....

Your sweet scent lingers.

Like night jasmine on a drafty night.

Consumes my senses.

Closing my eyes,

All I see is you.

That sincere twinkle

Captivates my soul.

Softly whispers, "I love you."

"I love you too"......

More than words can ever say.

My Ex Factor

2009-02-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

What more do I have to do to get through to you?
You had me from hello.
"Tell me who I have to be,
to get some reciprocity.
See no one loves you more than me.
And no one ever will."
Your eyes tell the tale.
Speak to me once again.
Your embrace is like no other.
Comfort to my aching soul.
Feeling your heart in your kisses...
"I keep letting you back in.........
As painful as this thing has been,
I just can't be with no one else."
Lips 'say' goodbye
Heart forever says hello.....
I promise I'll never let go baby.
I can never let go.

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

2009-02-08T18:00:00.000-05:00

It all happened in a blink of an eye.....

Face to face with that dark barrel.

Before i had a chance for my life to flash before my eyes,

Bang!!!

"Pop" went the trigger.

My head exploded.

In one swift motion,

bump bump, bump bump,

bump........bump.......... bump.......

Heart stopped beating.

My lifeless life plummited to the ground.

There I am,

Lying in a pool of blood.

Nothing left to give.

You've taken everything.......

My heart, my soul, and every ounce of my life.

Thank you for putting me out of my misery....

Seclusion

2009-02-05T14:03:00.003-05:00

Wow!

Doesn't even hurt anymore.

Pulled the bandaid off,

With one quick yank.

Pain no longer exists.

Numb to any kind of feeling.

Wall put up.

Heart now protected.

No more room for love.

I will never hurt again.

Rest a while, o weary heart.

Rest a while.

All's Well That Ends Well

2009-02-02T21:35:00.000-05:00

Another chapter closed.

Never thought I'd finish the book.

Surprised at how the story ended.

Heart was racing, pulse constantly pulsating......

Had me holding my breath,

from beginning to end.

Now I can exhale.

Wasn't all it was hyped up to be.

Ending in such a disappointment.

Should I start another one?

There are so many interesting ones to choose from.

Eenie, meanie, miney, moe.

With each passing day my curiosity peaks.

Ooh!! This one catches my attention!

Hope it's better than the last.

"Chapter One"...................

30 Random Things About Me

2009-01-31T10:05:00.003-05:00

1. My grandmother was my IDOL.....I miss her so.

2. I Love The Lord!

3. I LOVE kids....wish I could have some more.

4. I want to be a good wife to a good husband someday.

5. There are a lot of things in my life I wish I'd done differently.

6. I sleep with my mouth open & oftentimes drool.

7. I can be really moody around "that time" of the month.

8. "That time" is soon approaching....hence this post.

9. I love my naturally curly, now red hair.

10. I want to devote more time to charity this year.

11. I belive a kiss is worth a thousand words.

12. Sometimes I wish I were a boy.

13. I have a weakness for ANYTHING chocolate.

14. I've gone from 266 to 175 lbs in 3 years.

15. It is hard trying to think of 30 random things about me.

16. I pierced the cartilage of my ears
to feel my baby's pain when I pierced her lobes.

17. I locked my hair to feel close to my babies' dad.

18. I picked it out to help with the detachment process.

19. This is my year!

20. I like to de-stress by going out & shaking my booty.

21. Writing has recently become another stress reliever for me.

22. My next relationship will last "till death do us part".

23. I want to go back to college this fall.

24. I should've gotten braces when I was supposed to.

25. I loss my virginity when I was 18.

26. I enjoy watching reality tv.

27. My favorite food is anything Italian.

28. I think Froot Loops are off the chain!!!

29. My all time favorite singer is Whitney Houston.

30. I haven't had a good night's sleep for the entire month.

Silence is Golden

2009-01-28T14:09:00.004-05:00

You know me so well,

My strengths, my weaknesses.

Knock on my door.

I will always let you in.

Take my hand into yours.

Caress my body from behind.

Thrust your life into mine.

My groans tell you how much i miss you.

Your eyes reflect your deepest desire.

There is no need for words.

Memories

2009-01-25T14:15:00.004-05:00

Remembering the day your eyes met mine.
Look into my soul.
What do you see?
Remembering the day your lips stole a kiss.
Softly, tenderly, passion overflowed.
Remembering the day your ears heard my cry,
deep from within.
Remembering the day you whispered softly,
those famous three words.
Two lost souls became kindred spirits.
Remembering the day I conceived your first-born son,
Conceived in the purest love.
Remembering the day our miracle baby girl was born.
Her eyes and smile, a reflection of you.
Remembering is all I now have left.
All now nothing more than a distant memory.....

Frozen

2009-01-23T11:58:00.002-05:00

Glassy eyes
Shatterred dreams
Hopeless hopes
Secretly betrayed
Stabbed directly in the heart,
with perfect precision
What once was, is no longer
Can't pick up the pieces
Collected in the palm of your hand
Heartbeat stopped
Smile gone
Spirit erased
Forever frozen in time.....