Karma's a Bitch

Sitting in my thinking chair thinking.........
Thinking of how much it must pain you to still love me;
To love me and not receive my love in return.
Thinking of how much I still hate to love him;
A vain attempt to deny a truth buried deep within.
How profound is the heart's design.
How cruel is karma's intent
To make one feel another's pain
By walking a mile and a half in his shoes.
I'm sorry for scorning your kisses;
They did not melt my heart the way his did.
I'm sorry I cringed when you touched me.
Your fingertips did not send shockwaves to my soul.
I'm sorry I saw nothing when I looked in your eyes.
I saw everything I thought I needed in his.
I'm sorry he has wounded me in a way you probably never would;
A wound so deep even my scars have scars.
Sorry for choosing to look past all his bad and still see his good.
I'm sorry that life has made me who I am today.
No, I'm not sorry.  I'm not sorry for any of it.
This bitter-sweet reality the core of my strength.
No one will ever be allowed into that special space again.
A promise kept true to reserve that space for one, and one alone.
You still want me to let you love me the way you feel am supposed to be,
But maybe he did love me the way I was supposed to be....
My punishment, my strength, my joy, my sadness, my curse....
My karma.